The Heart of Suffering Together: How to Practice Compassion

Dr. Nika White • February 14, 2019

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
– Dalai Lama

The month of February is the month of heart-shaped chocolates, red roses and love songs. For one day of the year, we emphasize how special our loved ones are by way of grand gestures (or little gestures) of heart-felt emotion. But this month I challenge you to go beyond the love letters, the chocolates and the steak dinners. I challenge you to think about what compassion means and how to display compassionate leadership as a way to foster inclusion and belongingness.

As humans, one of the greatest tools we are equipped with is the ability to show compassion. Compassion is an instinct, deeply rooted in our DNA; it has a biological basis in our brain and body. So what is compassion? And how does it help in our ability to become more inclusion-minded?

According to the Greater Good Magazine at UC Berkeley , compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

It therefore seems only natural that compassion helps us in our journey to become more intentionally inclusive . After all, what better way to understand the plight of the one left out? The one that feels like he/she does not belong. The individual who does not feel represented, valued or accepted.

There are benefits to compassion for both those on the giving and receiving end and even those who are witness to it. Besides making the world feel like a friendlier place, here are some tangible benefits that come from the practice of compassion:

  1. It allows us to be more open to hearing and sharing stories. The impact of storytelling is tremendous to our ability to grow as compassionate individuals. When we hear stories, we can witness the pain, joy and concerns of the storyteller, which gives us greater ability to see life from the perspective of the narrator. We can better understand the why behind feelings and actions sensitizing us to want to help and provide support and encouragement. There is power in the narrative and all it takes is an open heart and a listening ear to respond with compassion.
  2. It benefits our brain. According to Dr. Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology, there is research data that shows that being kind to others registers in the brain as more like eating chocolate than like fulfilling an obligation to do what’s right (e.g., eating brussel sprouts). Brains find it more valuable to do what’s in the interest of the group or others than to do what’s most profitable to self. Being kind and compassionate is not only healthy for relationships, but for brain health as well.
  3. It helps us feel a greater sense of connection. When we practice compassion it makes us realize that we are only one singular activity away from finding ourselves in a situation where we will be in need of someone else (someone else’s understanding, someone else’s grace, someone else’s forgiveness). Practicing compassion allows us to create cultures of belonging, which can only occur through genuine efforts to connect at a deeper level. People can relate to stories in part or in whole. Parents share bedtime stories to their children not simply for the education factor, but because it promotes relationship building, trust and deeper connections.
  4. Compassion begets….more compassion. The more you practice compassion,the more accurate the emphatic centers of your brain become. This domino effect has tremendous ability to enhance relationships and breed a stronger sense of community and support. If you want healthier relationships, try incorporating a more compassionate approach to your leadership style.
  5. Practicing compassion helps people feel more supported. Can you imagine a world (or a workplace!) where everyone felt supported? A compassionate world is a place where people take care of their most vulnerable members, people help other nations in need, and ultimately a compassionate world produces children who perform more acts of kindness. When one feels well supported, they feel included and are able to show up at their best.

Being compassionate is something innate. Something we were born with, and while some may disagree stating being compassionate is only practiced for ulterior motives, I tend to believe humans by nature were born compassionate–but how compassionate are we? Can we improve our level of compassion? Here are some tips in improving our ability to show forth compassion:

  1. Practice mindfulness. Compassion is easier to access if you are more aware of the present moment while it is happening. This is particularly true in the presence of others’ suffering. Mindfulness requires strong situational awareness and emotional intelligence. This level of awareness provides greater propensity to notice when compassion is needed, which should spur us to action.
  2. Practice self-compassion . When you beat yourself up for imperfections you will find it hard to feel compassion towards other people. So before anything else, practice self-compassion first. Forgive yourself of your mistakes fast and frequently. We cannot give from an empty cup.
  3. Get past the “Me” mentality. We live in an “all about me” society. Practice shifting your perspective away from “me” and focus on “others”. By gazing outwards you will notice the things that connect us all as humans.
  4. Hold your judgements. What would you be able to learn if you could hold your judgement long enough to listen? To see? To hear what others are trying to tell you? What if you try to remind yourself every time you want to judge, that everyone is fighting a hard battle and we all are just doing the best we can? Judgements are often fueled by assumptions. Assumptions are often filled with inaccuracies that cause us to input meaning that may contaminate our thoughts about others leading to a less than compassionate response.
  5. Teach the little ones. How else can we ensure compassion gets passed on? By teaching the children, of course . This includes celebrating moments when you witness children showing compassion to others and modeling it for them.

Today, I challenge you to be compassionate, demonstrate the heart of suffering together. Open your heart and mind and cultivate compassion in your daily life. By doing so, you help create a more inclusive world for everyone.

Read more from The Human Shift on Substack, where I share long-form essays on leadership, culture, and how we work and live.

Share this Content:

By Nika White May 4, 2026
High-capacity leade rs often say: “I’ll take care of it.” At first, it’s situational. Then it becomes habitual. Eventually, it becomes identity. You’re the one who handles things. The one people trust. The one who doesn’t drop anything. But identity-level responsibility is different. It doesn’t turn off. Earlier in The Human Shift, Capacity is not Infinite, we explored capacity as information. When responsibility becomes identity, capacity signals are often overridden—not because leaders don’t feel them, but because they don’t believe they can respond to them. A Reframe Responsibility is a role you hold. Not a definition you carry. One Simple Practice Today, notice one “yes” you give automatically. Pause. Then ask: “If I didn’t see this as mine by default, what would I choose?” Question To Consider Where has your sense of responsibility expanded beyond what is actually yours? What This Looks Like In Practice In leadership development work, one of the most important shifts is helping leaders separate identity from role. When that happens, both performance and sustainability improve. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What responsibility do you carry right now that no one explicitly asked you to hold?
By Nika White April 27, 2026
Some leaders become known as “the calm one.” The one who steadies the room. Who doesn’t react. Who absorbs tension without showing it. It’s a valuable presence. But over time, it can quietly become a role you feel responsible to maintain. Not because it’s always needed. But because it’s expected. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Shift from Bracing to Grounding , we explored how leaders often move into bracing without realizing it. Being “the calm one” can sometimes be a more refined version of the same pattern—holding steady externally while managing pressure internally. A Reframe Calm is not a performance. It is a state that requires support. One Simple Practice Notice one moment today where you feel responsible for stabilizing others. Instead of immediately holding that role, pause and ask: “Is steadiness needed here—or am I used to providing it?” Question to Consider Where has your composure become something you feel you must maintain rather than something you can access? What This Looks Like In Practice Many leaders I work with don’t struggle with composure—they struggle with the cost of sustaining it alone. When shared steadiness becomes possible, leadership begins to feel lighter. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Where in your leadership do you feel most responsible for “holding the room”?
By Nika White April 20, 2026
Some leaders repeat directions often. Others rarely need to.  The difference is not position. It is trust in their steadiness. Authority rooted in pressure requires monitoring. Authority rooted in presence requires less reinforcement. This connects back to grounding, in The Human Shift, The Body Knows Before the Mind Does. When leaders are regulated, direction travels clearly without amplification. Reframe Authority is not measured by force. It is measured by reliability. One Grounded Practice Before giving direction, slow your speaking pace by 10%. Then deliver the message once, clearly and calmly. Consistency communicates confidence more than volume does. Closing Reflection Do people follow your direction because they understand — or because they feel urgency? Contextual Depth Signal Leaders who cultivate a steady presence often find they need fewer reminders, corrections, and escalations. Regulation reduces management load. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. When you give direction, what do you think your team experiences — clarity or pressure?
By Nika White April 13, 2026
Leaders often focus on how meetings go. But the greater influence is what happens afterward. What people replay during their commute. What they describe at dinner. What they anticipate the next morning. Leadership is remembered less for exact wording and more for internal experience. Earlier, in The Human Shift, Culture Is What People Carry Home, we discussed how the emotional residue of leadership interactions shapes engagement more than policies do. Reframe Leadership influence continues after the conversation ends. One Grounded Practice After a meeting, pause for one minute and ask: “If I were in that conversation as a participant, how would I feel right now?” Not how you intended. How it likely landed. Closing Reflection What emotional tone do your interactions leave behind? Contextual Depth Signal Organizations often attempt culture change through communication strategies, but emotional experience — not mes saging — is what employees actually carry. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. After a typical meeting with you, what do you think people feel most — clarity, pressure, or steadiness?
By Nika White April 6, 2026
Leaders often believe transparency exists because information is available. But culture is revealed by what people choose to share — not what they’re allowed to share. When teams withhold concerns, it rarely begins with fear. It begins with small experiences: Ideas redirected quickly Mistakes met with visible tension Questions answered defensively Over time, people learn which conversations require self-protection. Earlier, in The Human Shift, Culture Is What People Carry Home, we explored culture as what people absorb. Silence is one of the clearest indicators of that absorption. Reframe Candor depends less on policies and more on predictability of response. One Grounded Practice In your next meeting, when someone raises a concern, respond first with: “Tell me more.” Do not correct immediately. Do not solve immediately. Signal curiosity before direction. Closing Reflection What information seems to reach you last? Contextual Depth Signal Many culture initiatives fail not because values are unclear, but because reactions teach people which truths are welcome. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. If someone on your team hesitates before speaking, what do you think they’re predicting?
By Nika White March 30, 2026
Not all fast decisions are strategic. Some are relief. Ambiguity produces tension. A quick decision restores certainty — even if it doesn’t improve outcomes. Leaders often experience resolution as progress. But clarity and certainty are not the same. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Stories We Tell Under Pressure , grounding was described as remaining present under pressure. Many leadership decisions improve when leaders stay with uncertainty slightly longer than feels comfortable. Reframe A quick decision reduces discomfort. A clear decision reduces rework. One Grounded Practice When faced with a non-urgent decision, ask: “What additional information might emerge if I waited 24 hours?” Then actually wait. Not to avoid responsibility. To allow discernment to complete. Closing Reflection Where in your work might patience increase effectiveness? Contextual Depth Signal In advisory settings, leaders often discover that many operational “fires” were created by premature decisions rather than delayed ones. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Which decision right now feels pressing — and what would happen if you gave it one more day?
By Nika White March 23, 2026
Many leadership expectations are never written in a role description. Holding tension in meetings. Staying steady when others escalate. Containing uncertainty without amplifying it. We often call these “soft skills.” They are not soft. They are regulatory labor. When leaders manage emotional intensity, they stabilize the environment for others. Yet because this effort is invisible, leaders often interpret their fatigue as inadequacy rather than expenditure. Earlier, in The Human Shift, Culture Is What People Carry Home , we discussed that regulation is one of the primary ways leaders influence what others carry. Reframe Composure is not effortless. It is energy being used on behalf of the group. One Grounded Practice At the end of the workday, ask yourself: “Where did I hold the emotional center for others today?” Then intentionally do one small action that returns attention to yourself — a walk, silence, or stepping outside for two minutes. Regulation requires recovery. Closing Reflection Where have you been calling leadership strain a personal weakness instead of a leadership function? Contextual Depth Signal In executive work, many leaders don’t need more resilience training. They need permission to recognize that stabilizing others uses real capacity — and to pace themselves accordingly. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What part of your leadership today required the most emotional steadiness? Read more from The Human Shift on Substack , where I share long-form essays on leadership, culture, and how we work and live. [NW
By Nika White March 16, 2026
Two leaders can say the same words and produce entirely different outcomes. One conversation invites reflection. Another produces compliance. A third produces quiet withdrawal. The difference is rarely the phrasing. It is the state of the person delivering it. Before a listener processes meaning, their body processes safety. If tension, urgency, or frustration is present, the nervous system prioritizes protection over learning. The person may nod, agree, or apologize—but understanding has not actually occurred. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Body Knows Before the Mind Does , we explored how the body registers experience before the mind interprets it. Feedback follows that same sequence. Presence communicates before language does. Reframe Feedback is received through regulation before it is received through reasoning. One Grounded Practice Before offering feedback, take 30 seconds to orient yourself to the environment: Look around the room. Name three neutral objects you can see. Slow your exhale once. Then begin the conversation. Grounded delivery increases learning far more than refined wording. Closing Reflection What state are others experiencing when they receive guidance from you? Contextual Depth Signal In leadership coaching, feedback rarely fails because leaders lack clarity. It fails because the emotional tone of the interaction determines whether the brain processes information or threat. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Think about your last feedback conversation — how regulated did you feel before it started?
By Nika White March 9, 2026
High-capacity leaders often step in before others struggle. They refine the message. They fix the slide. They solve the problem before it fully forms. The intention is almost always supportive. But the impact accumulates differently. When leaders consistently intervene early, teams stop developing judgment. Initiative declines. And the leader’s workload increases—not because the team lacks ability, but because the team lacks ownership. Control rarely announces itself as control. It appears helpful. Earlier in The Human Shift, Capacity Is Not Infinite , we discussed capacity as information. Control is often a response to leaders sensing the system might falter and unconsciously compensating. The leader becomes the stabilizer. And stabilizers eventually become exhausted. Reframe Support strengthens capability. Preemption weakens it. One Grounded Practice The next time a team member brings you a solvable problem, pause before offering a solution and ask: “What options are you considering?” Then wait. Do not refine immediately. Do not redirect quickly. Allow their thinking to complete before yours begins. Leadership capacity grows when others experience themselves as capable. Closing Reflection Where might your helpfulness be preventing someone else’s development? Contextual Depth Signal In organizational advisory work, many leadership bottlenecks are not skill issues but ownership issues. When leaders shift from solving to supporting thinking, both performance and energy improve. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Where do you feel most necessary right now—and is it because of structure or habit?
By Nika White March 2, 2026
Many leaders live in a state of readiness they no longer notice. They check messages before standing up in the morning. They anticipate disagreement before a conversation begins. They prepare responses before anyone finishes speaking. At first, this feels like responsibility. Over time, it becomes physiology. The body learns to expect interruption, so it stops settling. Attention shortens. Everything begins to feel slightly time-sensitive—even when it isn’t. This isn’t only about workload. It’s about nervous system posture. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Shift from Bracing to Grounding , we explored bracing—the body preparing to endure pressure. Constant readiness is a quieter version of the same pattern. Leaders aren’t reacting to the present demand. They’re reacting to a predicted one. And prediction changes perception. When leaders remain perpetually ready, they begin interpreting more situations as urgent than they actually are. Conversations compress. Listening becomes strategic instead of receptive. Discernment narrows. Reframe Urgency is not always information. Sometimes it is anticipation that the body hasn’t updated yet. One Grounded Practice Today, before responding to a non-emergency message or request, pause for one full breath cycle. Not to delay action. To confirm necessity. Notice: • Did the situation actually require speed? • Or did your body simply expect it? Grounding begins by distinguishing immediacy from importance. Closing Reflection Where in your leadership are you responding to expectation rather than reality? Contextual Depth Signal In my coaching work, leaders often discover their decision fatigue is less about volume and more about constant readiness. When urgency is recalibrated, clarity returns quickly—without reducing responsibility. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What in your work currently feels urgent—and what might simply be asking for your presence?