What Does It Really Mean to Be an Ally?

Dr. Nika White • July 16, 2019

Instagram posts. Facebook stories. LinkedIn updates. We see a lot of #Ally posts these days.

But, what do the words “being an ally” really mean? 

As businesses, politicians, organizations, and people in general move towards becoming more diverse and inclusive, I ask — what are you doing to take share your advocacy and your allyship? 

What is being an “ally”?

A lot of people will consider or call themselves an ally today in the pursuit of D&I and the world in general.  

I believe we need to take a step back and help people to understand the true definition of allyship. What does “being an ally” really look like if you’re delivering?

Allyship is a process just like “inclusion” is a process. 

I like to define allyship as:

  • A process where you are building relationships upon trust, consistency, and accountability with those marginalized identities you seek to support and empower.

I also like The Corporate Sister ’s definition:

  • “An ally is any individual involved in the promotion and advancement of an inclusive culture through positive and intentional action.” ~ The Corporate Sister

If you’re a true ally — you’re not just someone who has the sentiment of “I believe that equality, justice, dignity and respect should be provided to this group of people or identity…”

But you stand in solidarity with those marginalized people.

And that simple shift looks quite different. And provides a much greater impact.

I’m also of the persuasion that the people you are being an ally for should be the ones giving you the label. It doesn’t work to just say “I am an ally” but your actions and impact must make those groups say “Yes, that person IS an ally.”

We want to see more actual allyship in this world versus performative allyship (or Ally Theater) which is “talking the talk of allyship” but not actually “walking the walk.”

How to be more intentional as an ally:

I’m not trying to minimize or judge the importance of allies. They are so important and appreciated, but it’s the way that an ally operates that is vital.

If someone of a marginalized identity can say that XYZ person (or you) is an ally, they see that that person has sacrificed something—whether it’s using their voice, , challenging the status quo, volunteering, or using their personal privilege in a public space. They truly see that person is an advocate.

As an ally — what you’re really doing is acting FOR others in pursuit of helping to end whatever type of oppression exists. People do that sometimes by educating others, being a voice for others, being a sponsor for others, and being a mentor for others.

As an ally — you are leveraging your power, influence, and privilege to be able to help someone else overcome some of the hurdles or barriers that exist because of their situation or oppression (whatever that may mean in their unique circumstance). 

Here are a few ways to be more intentional about the work of allyship:

  1. Seek out marginalized voices and perspectives to gain a better cultural competence . By truly learning more about different cultures and experiences, this can lead people to take inventory of their lives and see how they can potentially change the situation for someone else.
  2. Don’t just talk the work. Do the work . Again, no performative allyship, but real allyship. A step in the right direction is to simply be proactive and intentional in regards to actively learning the experience of other people’s lives. 
  3. Confront racism/bigotry and do it with a high-level of intolerance . True allyship is not being wishy-washy. It’s being really clear about where you sit. An important point — so many people are fearful of being an ally because they see it as a risk to their image and they may lose some supporters of their own – but again this is about a work of solidarity.
  4. As a community or business, have a high compass for social consciousness. A lot of organizations of influence should continue to speak out about inequities and injustices. When you have a large volume of those high-level brands and leaders that speak out against injustice – it carries influence.
  5. Give up time and money to support those organizations and nonprofits that do this work. Organizations that have a position of financial capital and can provide for different communities should give up time and money to support those organizations and nonprofits who don’t have as deep of a well to do their work effectively. 
  6. Be vocal and call out inequities and poor behavior. As Isaac Sabat, assistant professor of organizational psychology at Texas A&M University, states at CNN, “ Research shows that confronting bad behavior in the moment — responding to someone’s insensitive remark, say, or calling attention to the lack of representation in the room — can be more effective when it comes from an ally”
  7. Do the internal allyship work, not just external . This one is so important. Many people and brands do an “external show” of allyship work without putting in the hard internal work. You need to take time to examine your internal policies and cultures to ensure that they are completely supported and committed to driving out inequities. The natural intricacies of business and bureaucracy can make internal allyship and D&I trickier to implement, so you must make a strong, conscious effort to do the work.

Don’t do Performative Allyship – walk the talk :

As this Forbes article with Sheree Atcheson states, “To be allies, words and action must be in sync.”

Earlier, I mentioned, “Performative Allyship” — the practice of “talking a big talk” but not actually backing it up. Performative Allyship exists as an occasional public performance instead of continuous, well-informed labor. 

We need to make sure that if we’re talking about being a true ally, it’s not just for PR purposes but to really allow people to hold you accountable.

Here’s a simple example of a community ‘walking the talk’.

Last week, a colleague of mine in Arizona saw a sign (below) and emailed it to me. It was a giant interstate sign on US84 heading into town. I don’t know much of ins-and-outs of the community’s work, but with this sign, they are definitely “hanging it out there” for the world to see.

I actually liked the sentiment of it.

I know it’s just a sign, and whether it’s in practice or not — this is a good thought — because to get to that sign, they have to do the mental process of knowing that people are going to scrutinize or call them out and hold them accountable. 

They had to have done some internal work.

The real test will be to see if they’re delivering upon it. Typically when organizations/businesses put it out there — they know they’ll be held to scrutiny. 

To me, part of the strategy behind something like this is to not only communicate what you strive for, but to give people license to hold you accountable to it. So you can’t just perform, but you have to “live it”.  And I don’t think people are too willing to do that unless they are ready to actually be held accountable.

How can you be more intentional as an ally?

With that simple sign, it’s sending a very intentional message that you are a community/organization that is continuously practicing that role as an ally. And doing it in a well-informed way.

Solidarity means you are being active in helping to facilitate a change. I think that’s the important difference between performative allyship and true allyship.

I personally like to challenge people – if you consider yourself an ally – how can you stand in solidarity for those individuals? What can you do  to amplify both your internal and external work to support those marginalized voices and communities?

Feel free to share your thoughts and observations in the comments below! And share this article with someone you think might find value from it.

Best,

Nika

Read more from The Human Shift on Substack, where I share long-form essays on leadership, culture, and how we work and live.

Share this Content:

The Problem With Always Being Available - Why Accessibility and Capacity are not the Same Thing

By Nika White • July 27, 2026
Many leaders pride themselves on being available. Their door is open. Their inbox is monitored. Their phone is always nearby. The intention is usually good. But constant availability can create unintended consequences. People begin relying on immediate access instead of developing judgment. Leaders become increasingly interrupted. Everyone feels busy. Few people feel clear. Earlier in The Human Shift, When Responsibility Becomes Identity we explored how constant availability often grows from the belief that leadership means being accessible at all times. A Reframe Being available is not the same thing as being supportive. One Simple Practice Choose one part of your day where you are intentionally unavailable. Protect it. Use that time for thinking, reflection, or focused work. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader blocks ninety minutes each morning for uninterrupted work. Initially, people push back. Within a few weeks, team members begin solving more problems independently and bringing better questions when they do connect. Question to Consider What might your team learn if you were slightly less available? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What is one boundary you've been reluctant to establish?

When Trust Starts to Erode - The Small Moments Leaders Often Overlook

By Nika White • July 20, 2026
Trust rarely disappears overnight. Most of the time, it fades gradually. A missed follow-up. A rushed response. A concern that never gets revisited. A promise that seemed small at the time. People often think trust is built through big moments. In reality, it is shaped through consistency. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Weight of Unspoken Expectations, we explored leadership aftermath and what people carry after interactions. Trust is often built or weakened in those moments long after the conversation ends. A Reframe Trust is less about grand gestures and more about repeated experiences. One Simple Practice Think about one commitment you've made recently. Follow up on it today. Even if the update is simply: "I haven't forgotten." What This Looks Like In Practice A leader tells a team member she'll revisit a concern. Weeks pass. The concern itself becomes less important than the silence. When she circles back, even without a complete answer, trust begins to repair. Question to Consider What commitment have you made that someone may still be waiting on? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. When someone earns your trust, what do they consistently do?

The Need to Be Understood - Why Some Leaders Spend Too Much Energy Explaining Themselves

By Nika White • July 13, 2026
Most leaders want to be understood. That's normal. The challenge comes when the need to be understood starts driving the conversation. You explain again. You provide more context. You clarify your intentions. You revisit the decision. And yet somehow, you still leave feeling misunderstood. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Stories We Tell Under Pressure, we explored how pressure shapes the stories we tell ourselves. One of the most common stories leaders carry is: "If people understood me better, this would be easier." Sometimes that's true. Sometimes the real issue is that understanding and agreement are not the same thing. A Reframe Being understood is valuable. Needing everyone to understand you can become exhausting. One Simple Practice The next time you feel the urge to explain yourself again, pause and ask: "Am I seeking clarity, or am I seeking validation?" Answer honestly. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader shares a decision with her team. A few people disagree. Her first instinct is to keep explaining the reasoning. Instead, she allows the disagreement to exist without trying to resolve everyone's discomfort. The conversation becomes more productive because she is no longer trying to manage every reaction. Question to Consider Where are you spending energy trying to be understood by people who have already heard you? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What's something you've been explaining repeatedly that may not need another explanation?

When Everything Feels Important - The Hidden Cost of Carrying Too Much

By Nika White • July 6, 2026
One of the first signs that capacity is stretched isn't exhaustion. It's compression. Everything starts feeling equally important. Every email. Every request. Every conversation. Every decision. There is no hierarchy. Just urgency. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Cost of Constant Readiness , we explored how constant readiness changes perception. When the nervous system stays activated for too long, discernment becomes harder to access. The result is that everything begins competing for the same attention. A Reframe When everything feels urgent, the problem is often not workload. It's a lack of space. One Simple Practice At the beginning of your day, identify one thing that truly matters. Not three. Not five. One. Let that become your anchor. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader begins every morning reviewing a long list of tasks. By lunchtime, she feels behind. When she shifts her focus to identifying the most important outcome for the day, her decision-making improves and her stress decreases. The work doesn't disappear. The relationship to the work changes. Question to Consider What would happen if not everything deserved equal access to your attention? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What is taking up attention right now that may not actually deserve it?

The Difference Between Listening and Waiting - Why Conversations Break Down Even When Everyone is Talking

By Nika White • June 29, 2026
Many people think they're listening... What they're actually doing is waiting. Waiting to respond. Waiting to explain. Waiting to clarify. Waiting to prove they understand. We've all done it. The challenge is that people can feel the difference. When someone feels truly heard, their nervous system settles. When they feel managed, redirected, or rushed, something else happens. Earlier in The Human Shift, When Teams Stop Telling You Things, we explored how silence often becomes a cultural signal. Many people stop sharing because they've learned they are being heard only enough to move the conversation forward. A Reframe Listening is not gathering information. Listening is creating enough space for understanding to emerge. One Simple Practice In your next conversation, wait three seconds after someone finishes speaking before responding. Just three seconds. Notice what happens. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader receives feedback from a team member. Instead of immediately explaining her perspective, she pauses. The employee continues talking. What emerged in those few extra seconds was the actual concern. Not the polished version. The real one. Question to Consider How often are you listening to understand versus listening to respond? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. When was the last time someone made you feel completely heard?

When Your Presence Changes the Room - Why Leadership Starts Before You Say a Word

By Nika White • June 22, 2026
Most leaders pay attention to what they're going to say. The agenda. The feedback. The decision. The update. What often gets overlooked is what people experience before any of those things happen. They notice your pace. Your energy. Your level of tension. Whether you seem rushed or grounded. Whether you're fully there or already thinking about the next meeting. Earlier in The Human Shift, Culture is What People Carry Home, we explored how culture is shaped by what people carry after interactions. Before people carry anything away, they're already responding to what they experience in your presence. A Reframe Presence isn't something you add to leadership. It is leadership. One Simple Practice Before your next meeting, pause for ten seconds before speaking. Take one slow breath. Notice your feet on the floor. Then begin. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader enters a meeting feeling rushed after back-to-back conversations. Instead of immediately jumping into the agenda, she takes a moment to settle herself. The meeting itself doesn't change dramatically. The experience does. People become less reactive. The conversation slows just enough to become more thoughtful. Question to Consider What do people experience when they enter a room with you? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Think about your last meeting. What do you think people felt from you before you even started speaking?

The Energy Behind Your Leadership - Why how you show up matters more than how much you do

By Nika White • June 15, 2026
Leaders often focus on effort. Working harder. Doing more. Giving more. But effort is not the only variable. Energy matters. The tone you bring into a meeting. The pace of your communication. The steadiness of your presence. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Body Knows Before The Mind Does, we explored how the body communicates before words. Energy is often what people remember most. A Reframe Leadership is not only what you do. It is what people experience in your presence. One Simple Practice Before your next interaction, ask: “What energy am I bringing into this?” Then adjust—slightly. Question to Consider What do people consistently feel after interacting with you? What This Looks Like In Practice In leadership and culture work, energy is one of the most overlooked drivers of performance and trust. It shapes how work feels—and how people engage. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. If your team described your leadership in one word based on how it feels, what would they say?

The Leadership Habit of Anticipation- When thinking ahead becomes living ahead

By Nika White • June 8, 2026
A Strong leaders anticipate. They think ahead. They plan. They prepare. But anticipation can quietly become overextension. Living in the next moment instead of the current one. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Cost of Constant Readiness, we discussed readiness. Anticipation, when constant, keeps leaders slightly ahead of the present—which can disconnect them from what’s actually happening. A Reframe Preparation supports leadership. Over-anticipation distances it. One Simple Practice Bring your attention back to one present interaction today. Ask: "What is actually happening right now?” Not what could happen. Not what might happen. Just what is. Question To Consider How often are you leading from the present versus the future? What This Looks Like In Practice Leaders who reduce over-anticipation often report clearer communication and stronger relationships because they are responding to reality, not projection. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Where are you currently living ahead of the moment instead of in it?

The Subtle Drift into Disconnection - How it happens without anyone noticing

By Nika White • June 1, 2026
Disconnection rarely happens all at once. It builds slowly. A conversation you rush through. A moment you don’t fully listen. A tension you move past instead of addressing. Over time, these moments accumulate. Earlier in The Human Shift, Inclusion Isn’t Exhausting – Disconnection Is , we explored inclusion as lived experience. Disconnection is often not intentional—it is the result of repeated missed moments of connection. A Reframe Disconnection is not a single event. It is a pattern of small moments. One Simple Practice Today, in one conversation, slow down enough to fully listen—without preparing your response. Just notice. Question To Consider Where have small moments of disconnection quietly added up? What This Looks Like In Practice In culture work, repairing disconnection rarely requires large interventions. It requires consistent attention to everyday interactions. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. When was the last time you felt fully present in a conversation?

When Presence Replaces Performance - Why leadership effectiveness isn’t always about doing more

By Nika White • May 27, 2026
In high-performing environments, leaders often feel the need to demonstrate value constantly. Speaking. Solving. Contributing. But not all leadership is visible. Sometimes the most impactful presence is quiet. Earlier in The Human Shift, The Shift From Bracing to Grounding , we explored grounding as staying connected to yourself in the moment. Presence allows leaders to influence without constant action. A Reframe Leadership is not always what you do. Sometimes it is how you are. One Simple Practice In your next meeting, contribute one fewer time than you normally would. Instead, observe: What changes when you create more space? Question To Consider What would shift if you trusted your presence as much as your output? What This Looks Like In Practice Leaders who learn to use presence intentionally often find their influence increases—not decreases—while their effort becomes more sustainable. In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Where might doing less actually strengthen your leadership today?