Trigger Warning: Triggers are Your Responsibility
Nika White • May 16, 2023
In 2021, I was scrolling through my LinkedIn feed
when I stumbled upon a photo that stopped me in my tracks. It was a medical-style depiction of a pregnant woman holding an infant baby in her stomach. Instead of the typical white or fair-skinned mother and child depiction that we often see in medical textbooks, I saw a dark-skinned woman and fetus. The depiction was created by Nigerian medical student and illustrator, Chidiebere Ibe, who was seeking a more diverse representation of this natural process.
The internet went wild. While some people praised it as a win for a more diverse representation of childbearing, others were triggered by it. At first, I wondered, what could be so triggering about seeing a common depiction of a woman’s body carrying a fetus. When I thought more about it, I realized this single illustration could be triggering people for a multitude of reasons.
In our current political climate regarding reproductive rights, seeing a fetus in a womb can be triggering for many people. It can be triggering for those who are unable to bear children or who struggle with fertility issues. It could be triggering for those who had a child but recently lost them. It could also be triggering for folks who are uncomfortable with discussing the body and its natural functions. For whatever reason, this image evoked both joy and discomfort at the same time.
For the people who found joy, representation, and pride in this image, they basked in the ambiance. For those who were triggered, their roars raged on, arguably louder than a simple illustration should have warranted. So, if you are a person who is easily triggered by something you see or something that’s said, perhaps it's time to go deeper.
The rise of trigger warnings
Trigger warnings have changed the diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) landscape. When difficult topics came up in the past, people may have been confronted by uncomfortable feelings that had to be delt with, often times without warning.
But in the late 1990s, “trigger warning” as a term began to surface on feminist internet message boards and, thus, found its way into common discourse. Nowadays, before talking about a potentially traumatic topic like sexual violence, self-harm, or other forms of violence, you should mention a trigger warning, or “TW” for short.
These days, people are quick to raise the “trigger flag “ and say that someone harmed or traumatized them. But there’s also room for the person who is triggered to take responsibility, own their trigger, and work to heal it.
Owning our triggers
What brings one person joy, triggers another person. But who is responsible for managing the feelings of being triggered? The person who shares a photo of a black fetus in a womb? Or the person looking at and responding to the image?
We’re at a turning point where we all need to acknowledge what triggers us and find ways to address those triggers within ourselves. To me, this is an important line of demarcation. Those who are constantly triggered may want to ask themselves, “Is it time for me to take responsibility for my triggers?” Or “is it time for me to go to therapy and address the traumatic situations from my past?” I would implore us to explore and analyze how personal triggers affect others in the room and how we can work through them to be more mindful members of our community.
More often than not, our triggers are unhealed parts of ourselves that keep coming up to haunt us every time a related topic emerges. But how do we effectively make sure we’re aware that a potentially triggering message may be coming and prepare ourselves while simultaneously allowing others to experience joy and happiness in the moment?
To me, there’s not enough focus on individual accountability for healing triggers. While shared accountability has its place (more on that in the next section), it can feel unfair and unrealistic to make everyone else responsible for shouldering another person's triggers. So, where’s the balance between healing ourselves, warning others, and holding space for another person’s joy?
The power of shared accountability
While no one is perfect and we all carry trauma with us, there’s room for shared accountability when it comes to triggers. Individuals own their trauma while communities can be aware of them and exercise caution and compassion. This is isn’t the same as saying “trigger warning” and then watching the community back away, it’s about saying “TW” and watching the community lean in. To embrace someone in compassion at that moment, to not alienate them, but to understand and affirm them.
People who have experienced trauma have to feel safe to disclose vulnerable information, like when they were a victim in a moment of violence or were treated unfairly. It takes strength and vulnerability to say, “this is triggering to me”, but once the trigger is communicated, the person on the receiving end should have enough awareness and sensitivity to act with compassion.
As mentioned earlier, one person’s trigger is another person’s joy, so sharing accountability and being sensitive to someone’s trauma doesn’t dismiss one’s own need and desire for joy and celebration. We can be compassionate to others and focused on our joy at the same time. The ask for shared accountability is to simply be aware of the potential impacts a triggering scenario may have on someone who experienced pain or trauma while still maintaining your personal experience in the moment.
Final thoughts
Triggers are real, and for decades issuing “trigger warnings” was the most thoughtful and kind way to address difficult topics with those who may have experienced trauma in the past. While not everyone shares the same traumas, there’s room for individuals to work through them and begin the healing process, while others have the opportunity to balance sensitivity and compassion with personal joy and happiness.
My observation has been that one person’s joy is another person’s trigger, and as we navigate this world together, we should be mindful of those who are not feeling tortured or triggered and let them feel good in the moment. And those of us feeling triggered should embark on the personal journey to seek professional help and work through our traumas.
We should all be able to experience joy without having to tiptoe around another person’s long-term, unhealed trauma. When we’re able to co-exist with trauma and heal in a way where everyone feels they can live their full experience in peace, then we can turn the page on building more compassionate communities and discussing the topics that trigger and inspire us.
The rise of trigger warnings
Trigger warnings have changed the diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) landscape. When difficult topics came up in the past, people may have been confronted by uncomfortable feelings that had to be delt with, often times without warning.
But in the late 1990s, “trigger warning” as a term began to surface on feminist internet message boards and, thus, found its way into common discourse. Nowadays, before talking about a potentially traumatic topic like sexual violence, self-harm, or other forms of violence, you should mention a trigger warning, or “TW” for short.
These days, people are quick to raise the “trigger flag “ and say that someone harmed or traumatized them. But there’s also room for the person who is triggered to take responsibility, own their trigger, and work to heal it.
Owning our triggers
What brings one person joy, triggers another person. But who is responsible for managing the feelings of being triggered? The person who shares a photo of a black fetus in a womb? Or the person looking at and responding to the image?
We’re at a turning point where we all need to acknowledge what triggers us and find ways to address those triggers within ourselves. To me, this is an important line of demarcation. Those who are constantly triggered may want to ask themselves, “Is it time for me to take responsibility for my triggers?” Or “is it time for me to go to therapy and address the traumatic situations from my past?” I would implore us to explore and analyze how personal triggers affect others in the room and how we can work through them to be more mindful members of our community.
More often than not, our triggers are unhealed parts of ourselves that keep coming up to haunt us every time a related topic emerges. But how do we effectively make sure we’re aware that a potentially triggering message may be coming and prepare ourselves while simultaneously allowing others to experience joy and happiness in the moment?
To me, there’s not enough focus on individual accountability for healing triggers. While shared accountability has its place (more on that in the next section), it can feel unfair and unrealistic to make everyone else responsible for shouldering another person's triggers. So, where’s the balance between healing ourselves, warning others, and holding space for another person’s joy?
The power of shared accountability
While no one is perfect and we all carry trauma with us, there’s room for shared accountability when it comes to triggers. Individuals own their trauma while communities can be aware of them and exercise caution and compassion. This is isn’t the same as saying “trigger warning” and then watching the community back away, it’s about saying “TW” and watching the community lean in. To embrace someone in compassion at that moment, to not alienate them, but to understand and affirm them.
People who have experienced trauma have to feel safe to disclose vulnerable information, like when they were a victim in a moment of violence or were treated unfairly. It takes strength and vulnerability to say, “this is triggering to me”, but once the trigger is communicated, the person on the receiving end should have enough awareness and sensitivity to act with compassion.
As mentioned earlier, one person’s trigger is another person’s joy, so sharing accountability and being sensitive to someone’s trauma doesn’t dismiss one’s own need and desire for joy and celebration. We can be compassionate to others and focused on our joy at the same time. The ask for shared accountability is to simply be aware of the potential impacts a triggering scenario may have on someone who experienced pain or trauma while still maintaining your personal experience in the moment.
Final thoughts
Triggers are real, and for decades issuing “trigger warnings” was the most thoughtful and kind way to address difficult topics with those who may have experienced trauma in the past. While not everyone shares the same traumas, there’s room for individuals to work through them and begin the healing process, while others have the opportunity to balance sensitivity and compassion with personal joy and happiness.
My observation has been that one person’s joy is another person’s trigger, and as we navigate this world together, we should be mindful of those who are not feeling tortured or triggered and let them feel good in the moment. And those of us feeling triggered should embark on the personal journey to seek professional help and work through our traumas.
We should all be able to experience joy without having to tiptoe around another person’s long-term, unhealed trauma. When we’re able to co-exist with trauma and heal in a way where everyone feels they can live their full experience in peace, then we can turn the page on building more compassionate communities and discussing the topics that trigger and inspire us.
Read more from The Human Shift on Substack, where I share long-form essays on leadership, culture, and how we work and live.
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A team member asks whether you’re happy with their work. You answer yes. A few days later, they ask again. It’s tempting to assume they need more confidence. But maybe they’re trying to understand where they stand with you. When expectations change without explanation, or praise is followed by unexpected criticism, people start looking for clues. Even a straightforward question can carry a second question: Am I safe to trust what you’re telling me? We’ve talked in The Human Shift about what people learn from our reactions. They learn from our consistency, too. A reassuring answer matters. A predictable experience makes that answer believable. A Reframe Reassurance helps in the moment. Consistency helps people stop needing to ask. One Simple Practice When someone seeks reassurance, answer their question. Then ask, ‘Is there anything about my expectations that feels unclear?’ Listen without making them defend the question. What This Looks Like In Practice A director notices that a capable colleague keeps checking whether a presentation is ready. Instead of saying ‘You’re fine’ again, she explains what good looks like, what decisions the colleague owns, and when feedback will come. The repeated checking begins to ease. Question to Consider Where might someone need clearer expectations rather than another encouraging word? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What helps you feel confident that you know where you stand with a leader?
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Think about a leader who had a lasting impact on you. You probably remember a few things they said. You almost certainly remember how it felt to work with them. Maybe you felt trusted. Maybe you felt anxious every time they called. Maybe you felt challenged in a way that helped you grow. Maybe you felt like you were constantly trying to avoid disappointing them. That emotional memory stays with us much longer than most organizational moments. Earlier in The Human Shift, we explored the leadership aftermath and the emotional tone leaders leave behind. Over time, those individual experiences become something much larger. They become the stories people tell about what it was like to work there. That's one of the ways culture is built. Not through one memorable event. Through repeated emotional experiences. A Reframe People don't remember every interaction. They remember the pattern those interactions created. One Simple Practice Think about someone you lead. Complete this sentence: "When this person thinks about working with me, I hope they remember feeling..." Don't overthink it. Write the first word that comes to mind. Then ask yourself whether your daily interactions support that hope. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader asks several team members what they appreciate most about working together. None of them mention strategy. None of them mention goals. Every response describes an experience. "I know you'll listen." "I always leave our conversations feeling clearer." "I know where I stand." The leader realizes those experiences have become part of the team's culture. Question to Consider If someone reflected on working with you five years from now, what feeling would you hope they remember most? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. When you think about the best leader you've ever worked with, what feeling comes to mind first?
Leaders often influence pace without realizing it. The speed of your responses. The urgency in your voice. How quickly you move from one meeting to the next. How often you say, "We need this right away." People notice. Then they adjust. Earlier in The Human Shift, we explored the tension between speed and clarity . Pace is different from productivity. Pace is the emotional rhythm people begin to adopt simply by working around you. If everything feels urgent to you, it eventually feels urgent to everyone else. A Reframe People don't just respond to your priorities. They respond to your pace. One Simple Practice Before beginning your next meeting, ask yourself, "What pace does this conversation actually need?" Not every discussion deserves urgency. Some deserve room to think. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader starts opening meetings with sixty seconds of quiet before diving into discussion. At first it feels unusual. Within a few weeks, people arrive more focused, interrupt each other less, and make decisions with greater confidence. The work isn't slower. It's steadier. Question to Consider If someone matched your pace every day, what would their work experience feel like? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. What pace are you setting that others may be quietly adopting?
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People pay attention to what leaders celebrate. They pay even closer attention to what leaders react to. A frustrated sigh. A quick interruption. An impatient email. A defensive response to feedback. None of these moments seem particularly significant on their own. But people are always learning from them. They begin to understand which questions are welcome. Which mistakes feel risky. Which conversations require extra caution. Earlier in The Human Shift, we explored how silence often becomes a cultural signal. Silence rarely appears without first being taught what feels safe to say. Your reactions become part of that lesson. A Reframe People don't simply hear your expectations. They study your reactions. One Simple Practice The next time someone brings you unexpected news, resist the urge to respond immediately. Take one slow breath. Become curious before becoming corrective. That small pause often changes the entire conversation. What This Looks Like In Practice A team member admits she made an error that will delay a project. Instead of immediately asking how it happened, the leader asks, "Tell me what you've learned so far." The conversation shifts from self-protection to problem-solving. The mistake still gets addressed. The person doesn't leave feeling like the mistake defines them. Question to Consider What have your reactions been teaching people lately? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. If someone made a mistake today, would they feel comfortable bringing it to you quickly?
Most leaders spend a lot of time thinking about what they're going to say. They prepare for difficult conversations. They organize their thoughts. They choose their words carefully. All of that matters. But long after people forget the details of the conversation, they usually remember something else. They remember how they felt. Did they leave feeling encouraged? Did they leave feeling smaller? Did they leave feeling trusted? Did they leave feeling like they had to be careful? Earlier in The Human Shift, we explored the idea of leadership aftermath. What people carry after interacting with you shapes culture in ways that are easy to overlook because they happen quietly. Most leaders don't intentionally create emotional tone. They create it anyway. A Reframe Every interaction leaves something behind. The question isn't whether you're shaping the emotional climate. It's what you're leaving in it. One Simple Practice At the end of your next one-on-one meeting, don't evaluate what you said first. Instead ask yourself: "If I were on the other side of that conversation, how would I describe how it felt?" Notice what comes to mind before you analyze it. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader finishes a performance conversation feeling relieved because she finally addressed a difficult issue. Later that day she asks herself how the conversation may have felt for the employee. She realizes she spent most of the meeting explaining expectations and very little time asking questions. The next conversation feels different because she changes the experience, not just the message. Question to Consider When people leave a conversation with you, what do you hope they carry with them? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. Think about a leader you've never forgotten. What do you remember most: what they said or how they consistently made you feel?
Leaders often celebrate when complaints decrease. Concerns become less frequent. Questions slow down. Conflict seems to disappear. Sometimes that's a sign of growth. Sometimes it's a sign that people have stopped bringing things forward. Earlier in The Human Shift, When Teams Stop Telling You Things , we explored silence as a cultural signal. Silence is not always agreement. Sometimes it is adaptation. People learn what feels worth raising. What feels safe to discuss. What is likely to go nowhere. A Reframe A lack of problems does not automatically mean a healthy culture. One Simple Practice Ask someone you trust: "What is something people may be hesitant to tell me?" Listen without defending. What This Looks Like In Practice A leader notices fewer concerns being raised in meetings. Instead of assuming everything is fine, she creates space for honest conversation. What emerges isn't crisis. It's information that had simply been waiting for a safer place to surface. Question to Consider What information might be missing from the conversations you're having? In the shift, Dr. Nika White P.S. When people disagree with you, do they usually tell you?
